Act I, Scene I

Setting:
The couple's '80s ranch-style home, on a gloomy Saturday in April.

Characters:
Paul: Tall, bespectacled and quirky; early 30s. Uncharacteristically enthusiastic this day.

Keri: Redheaded and flighty; late 20s with an unnatural attraction to all that is Disney. Very tired after spending a whole night awake with her epileptic Lhasa apso, Escrow.

Paul: I'm going to go shopping for your birthday present. I'll be back in a while.
Keri: (Suspicious because her birthday is still three weeks away and Paul always waits until the day before) Okay, I'll go lay down for a while since Escrow is resting.

Three hours later Keri awakens to find Paul has not yet returned. The phone rings.

Keri: Hello?
Paul: Hi, honey.
Keri: Where are you?!
Paul: I'm at my mom's house.
Keri: You've been gone for three hours! Where have you been?
Paul: I had to go to several different places to get your present.
Keri (accepting this answer): Oh. Okay. Come home now.
Paul: I'm on my way.
Keri: I want a Furby.
Paul: What?
Keri: I want a Furby.
Paul: A Furby.
Keri: Today. I've decided I want one now.
Paul: (Sighs) Well, I'm starving, so we can go to Ruby's and get a Furby on the way.
Keri: You're going to have to call around for one while I get ready.
Paul: (resigned). Okay.

Paul comes home, and calls many different stores. A Furby, apparently, does not exist in this hemisphere. Keri is very disappointed. She continues to primp in preparation for dinner at Ruby's. Paul, in the meantime, sings "Breakfast at Tiffany's" by Deep Blue Something. He looks at Keri, somewhat alarmed.

Paul: I heard that on the radio today.
Keri: (confused) Um... okay...

As they leave for dinner, Keri notes the FasTrack toll pass on the counter.

Keri: AHA! You should have put the FasTrack back in my car! Now I know you went to Orange County!

Paul vehemently denies this. They leave for dinner, only to have Keri insist on stopping for lottery tickets. She then remembers she had not yet called a Toys R Us about 30 minutes away, so she does. They have the elusive Furby. Paul is forced to drive 30 minutes out of his way, blood sugar levels dangerously low, for an annoying little toy. They eventually go to dinner, Paul eats and is happy. They go home; Paul is waiting to present Keri with an engagement ring. Keri, oblivious, plays with the Furby. For two hours. Every burp and giggle is hailed as the pinnacle of entertainment. Paul is, of course, forced to witness. As the evening wears on, Keri goes online to discover more wonders the Furby has to offer. Paul has had enough.

Paul: Put the Furby down and come sit with me by the fire.
Keri: But look... when you clap four times... oh wait... it did it before...
Paul: Put the Furby down.
Keri: But if you...
Paul: Back away from the Furby.
Keri: (resigned): All right.

They go into the living room where the fireplace is lit. They sit down. Small talk. Then:

Keri: So, Paul, what are your plans?
Paul: Well, I was going to sit here and talk for a while, then go to bed.
Keri: No, I mean plan plans.
Paul: You mean like marriage?
Keri (shrugs): Sure.
Paul: I don't know.
Keri: (Some disparaging remark about not having a ring. Paul acts hurt.)
Keri: Oh, Paul, stop. I know you're going to get me a ring eventually.
Paul: So you want to get married.
Keri: Yeah.
Paul: So you want to get married to me.
Keri: Yeah.
Paul: Well, then open this.

Keri is presented with a small, Tiffany blue box tied with a white ribbon. She opens it to reveal a classic Tiffany engagement ring; a half-carat round diamond set in platinum. It doesn't suck.

Paul: Will you marry me?
Keri: Yes, please.

Paul puts the ring on Keri's left ring finger.

Keri: I knew it! You were singing the "Breakfast at Tiffany's" song!
Paul: Whatever.

The end?

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